this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
