last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
