i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
