He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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