Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
