No stitches, just platelets and will power
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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