The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
