I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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