We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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