My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
