why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
