70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
