i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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