hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
