My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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