Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
