No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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