Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
