Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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