Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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