meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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