genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
