Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
