i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
