I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
