guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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