i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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