I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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