my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This is my gift to your gina
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
