she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
