get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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