she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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