I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
