im six kinds of drunk right now
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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