if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
