While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
