Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
