I just threw up on my dentist
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
