Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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