She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize