I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
