Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
