Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
