i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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