I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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