I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My dick has a subreddit
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
