epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
