If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
