maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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