I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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