Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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