Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
