fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
