Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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