he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
