Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
