i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
