he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
