are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
