Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
