dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
