I looked at my own cervix.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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