After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
