after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
