I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
