Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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