You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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