Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
