hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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