No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
