So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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