mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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