I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
