awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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