i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
