Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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