Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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