And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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