I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
