Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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