we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize