He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
