Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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