part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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