i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
